As if Gail Platt doesnt have enough to worry about!

Her first husband is killed, her second divorces her and her third turns out to be a serial killer. Her daughter gets up the stick at 12 and then her wayward son nearly kills her grandaughter by slipping her an E. Poor ET is having a rough ride innit.



She won't be best please to learn that beloved Nicky Platt (would) aka Adam Rickett has been and "done a Maddely" and been caught shopping down under; no not rummaging in some lady bits, but nicking from a shop in Oz. The rather fey looking cheshire boy was done for nicking a loaf, some HP and a block of cheese. He has been filming in Shortland St and apparantly has been under "considerable stress". FFS, it's hardly five nights with the Royal Shakespeare Company is it!!! He "forgot to pay" and now may face criminal charges

And THIS was the Tories choice for victory! GET WITH THE PROGRAMME CAMERON UNLESS YOU WANT FIVE YEARS OF THE ONE EYED JOCK!!

dwarf tosser

Shayne Ward almost killed a Mexican midget on a video shoot in Los Angeles recently in a bizarre swimming pool accident, it has been claimed. The "X-Factor" winner is understood to have been on-set making the promo film for his new single, alongside a party of models. Two midgets were also involved in the filming but chaos ensued when Ward was required to toss one of the short extras into the pool. Apparently he selected the 'wrong' one, who was unable to breath in the pool because he was wearing a full face mask. Crew members were forced to leap into the water and rescue the midget, with Ward also aiding the dramatic rescue bid, according to a shoot 'source'. "Shayne was obviously really embarrassed by what happened - luckily his 'victim' thought it was hilarious, and they all ended up having a right laugh about it", he explained.

Its a fecking slow news day......apart from Led Zepplin annoucing a gig (AoS)

lesson # 1

Here's the fundamental difference between men and woman....woman just want to talk and get things off their chests and other woman understand this. Men need to offer solutions to problems, which is not what woman want. So when I e:mail you moaning about my life, just nod your head & get me chocolate. Also feel free to call the Hooded Claw a bastard pig.....................

MyFace

So, I come back to work to a surprisingly clear desk, albeit with a small woodland area's worth of post, only to find that facebook has been added to the blacklist - FFS!! I really can't think why

*checks internet history*


oh

things we've learnt this week

• Lassie was played by a number of male dogs despite being a girl


• There is a reason that your hairdresser tells you not to cut your own fringe


• The grass is only greener elsewhere because it is mowed more often


• Never take advice from someone who doesn't understand the concept of an 'emergency dairy milk'


• No one here knows the Heimlich manoeuvre


• Defendant solicitors are a bunch of evil, dirty bastards


• It's too cold to go commando


• Miss H and Mr Have have an unhealthy obsession with 24 andJack Bauer

wooden tart

Caught the new Captain Scarlet yesterday morning, its all CGI now instead of supermarionation. Very unhappy as CGI Scarlet not nearly so good looking at wooden puppet scarlet. Then got worried that had fancied a puppet and with that and my predilection for beardy hobos............I'm going to ask my GP to up my dosage!

www.captainscarlet.com

First female beefeater started work today at London tower

*sits back and awaits puns*