Stating the bleedin' obvious!

X Factor contestant Rhydian Roberts has never had a serious girlfriend. The boy from the valleys has always "struggled with shyness around women", according to his "mate" (who has been interviewed for a sunday rag). He's a comitted Christian, and may well be a virgin apparantly.

Ring any bells? Sounds like this ageing messiah wannabe who has of course "just not found the right woman".............



His parents have so far been a tad miffed at suggestions that he's a friend of dorothy, and takes it up the wrong-un, but if I were them I wouldn't be looking at wedding dresses for a future daughter-in-law just yet.

Camper than a chain of millets FFS, and probably had more cock than Old McDonalds Farm.

you are so fallen

As someone who doesn't really know her Booty from her bootsy I've been shown the light with this little life saver.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

the latest

Pantsuits are hot (a la Jaclyn Smith in Charlie's Angels) - not on this rump.

Kate Moss has copied my hairstyle with a full fringe and suddenly she's all over the news - Jesus I did mine a fecking year ago. I shall have to change as do not want to be compared to that crack whore (She'll be sorry anyway when people compare her to Planet of the Apes) and I bet she puts talc in it - skank. Strictly Come Dancing is taking over my life as is Flight of the Conchords http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/conchords/

Queen & Phil the Greek celebrate their diamond wedding anniversary. I will be 95 (and probably dead) when its my diamond wedding anniversaryRealised at lunchtime when I was in M&S that everything I had on was from there. Should I be relieved that it was all last season?

this could run & run

Very busy this morning thinking of songs for Hooded Claw's band to cover:





You can't Slurry Love


Muck 'n' Hoe Star


I got ewe babe


Calf the World Away


God is a DJCB


Hay Boy Hay Girl


Scythe Away


Smells Like Muck Spreading


The Importance of being Inbred


Birdflu Strikes Again


The Boy with the thorn in his scythe


I bet you look good on the Barnfloor


Hay Dude


Last Night a DJCB Saved My Life



Whatever happened to My rake & Hoe


I crack myself up............................

cute

reiniger

sacre bleu

Two boys who hated living in France so much they asserted their Britishness and refused to return to live there with their mother have been granted their wish by senior judges.
In a highly unusual case, Lord Justice Thorpe, one of three judges sitting at the Court of Appeal in London, said that the desire of the brothers, aged 11 and 16, to live in England deserved to be respected and overrode even the wishes of their own mother.
Describing the case as “not just exceptional but very exceptional”, the judge said that the boys’ French mother had taken them back to her homeland with her in 2005 after her marriage to their British father had broken down. But the two boys, who at the time spoke no French, failed to settle into their new lives in a market town in southern France and, after a holiday in England with their father in July this year, refused to return.
The boys’ mother came to England to take them back to France but they insisted that they wanted to stay in England.
The judge added: “Apparently, they told her that [in England] they could walk to school, could have their own key and would not have as much homework.”

stick to the frogs boys

things I learnt last week

• People are stupid, especially people from Levenshulme


• Just because a young man is well spoken and attractive doesn't make him a good packer of carrier bags


• There's a shop on Edgware Road called 'Cake n Bake'


• Having th'ipod in doesn't mean no one can hear you pump


• The Witchway rocks, was on the Sarah Preston today (she was from Padiham), I aspire to have a bus named after me one day

kill tina

Lottery scratch card has been withdrawn from sale by Camelot - because players couldn't understand it.The Cool Cash game - launched on Monday - was taken out of shops yesterday after some players failed to grasp whether or not they had won. To qualify for a prize, users had to scratch away a window to reveal a temperature lower than the figure displayed on each card. As the game had a winter theme, the temperature was usually below freezing.But the concept of comparing negative numbers proved too difficult for some Camelot received dozens of complaints on the first day from players who could not understand how, for example, -5 is higher than -6.Tina Farrell, from Levenshulme, called Camelot after failing to win with several cards. The 23-year-old, who said she had left school without a math's GCSE, said: "On one of my cards it said I had to find temperatures lower than -8. The numbers I uncovered were -6 and -7 so I thought I had won, and so did the woman in the shop. But when she scanned the card the machine said I hadn't."I phoned Camelot and they fobbed me off with some story that -6 is higher - not lower - than -8 but I'm not having it".

the law's an ass.....

A little-known law which prohibits people dying while in the Houses of Parliament has been voted the UK's most ludicrous piece of legislation. Another law which states it is treason to use a postage stamp upside down was placed in second place by those polled by UKTV Gold *UKTV Gold, you can see where this is going*

The most absurd international law was judged to be in the US state of Ohio, where it is illegal to get fish drunk.

The 3,931 people asked selected the laws from a shortlist of bizarre rules. A total of 27% of those questioned thought the law against dying in the Houses of Parliament was the most absurd, while 7% voted for the legislation banning placing postage stamps upside down

I'm bored now

Roll on 2010

You look like Tommy Steele, I hated you from day one, and you have RUINED my 2008.

It's been a while

I know it's been an age but this work thing has been a biatch of late.



Anyhoo, saw this "gem" and couldn't resist posting. Jobless, wannabe, who falls in "love" within 5 minutes of seeing the female of the species, Paul "oh-Danan", has been sacked from panto for swearing at the crowd: genius!

He apparantly was playing Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk and was the guest star at the xmas lights switch on in..........Preston - how glam! Eff'in the Jeff'in at the crowd of mums and kiddies is probably not the best way to gain favour you utter TWUNT! You are not Fiddy Cent FFS!

Councillor Hudson of the local parish said: "His outburst was a disgrace and an insult to the people of Preston" - surely not Councillor? I mean,.....it IS Preston

*flicks Vs at McFLuff*

x


Tis good to be back and vent some spleen x