are the gays the only ones still having a poke?

Here is an apology on behalf of the British public to 'The Sun'. We have let you down badly, and we’d just like to say we are very sorry. The Sun hid the terrible news in a few short paragraphs. According to research, it seems we are not as interested in sex as the paper might have had us believe over the years. We don’t sleep around, we don’t have wild three-in-a-bed nights of lust with a Big Brother contestant, and we do not keep our wedding list at Ann Summers.

“The popular perception that millions of sex-mad Brits enjoy sleeping around is a myth,” the paper reports through gritted teeth. According to the Office of National Statistics, more than 70% of men have had just one partner in the past year, while 16% of men had to snuggle up by themselves. “Meanwhile, 81% of women have had just one partner in the past year. As a London University academic told the paper: “Sex is over-hyped in our culture.”

Tell that to Danni, 19, from Coventry as she flutters her eyelashes from page 3 of The Sun only to discover that we’d rather create ipod playlists or make a pot of tea. Tell that to shivering whippet Victoria Beckham, who posed on the front of Wednesday’s paper in suspenders, panties and a flowery bra. Inside — the paper, not the bra — she says she hates flashing her body in public. “I’m quite prudish about things like that,” she insists. But she pluckily overcomes her distaste, also showing off her suspenders to the Daily Mirror.