Nowt "pure" about my "ring"

A 16-year-old girl is in the High Court to accuse her school of discriminating against Christians by banning the wearing of "purity rings". Lydia Playfoot (aces name!) wears a ring inscribed with a reference to the biblical verse I Thessalonians 4:3-4, which translates as:-

"God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin"

SWEET JESUS LUV!! Get yersen on a local park, wear an abundance of makeup a la Katie Hopkins from the Apprentice, drink a bottle of 20/20, Thunderbirds [insert poison of choice here], stagger behind a bike shed (do they still 'ave 'em) with "Tyrone" cos he's "well fit innit" and kiss that cherry goodbye!

*wanders off muttering about kids today*