EDUWATCH: The cartoon image that mice love cheese is a myth, an academic has claimed. Dr David Holmes, from Manchester Metropolitan University, said that mice would be more likely to be lured into a trap by cereal. - I am soooooooo glad my taxes are funding such wonders of education like this nibblet - *picks up Mail on Sunday*

AKTINSWATCH: 'The Amazing Protein Diet' shouts the Daily Express headline. Accordingly to their sources by eating a protein based diet in sensible proportions this can speed up your metabolism and burn fat. Apparently its not just me that the last 10 years have by passed.

WELSHWATCH: I'm living on a powder keg and giving off sparks. I really need you tonight, forever's gonna start tonight...... Well it will if that lots goes up. Is it me?

BABYWATCH: Sean Bean really should have named his son Les

COCKNEYWATCH: Do what? Apples and pears, old joanna darn the rub an dub. SPEAK ENGLISH