things I've learnt this week

• I can no longer buy brazil nuts in shells due to the trace toxins in the shells that could potentially cause liver cancer, I can however still buy cigarettes, live next to a substation or mobile phone mast, eat burnt toast and breath in car exhaust fumes


• I can't drive in heels, Cuban or otherwise


• Don't buy a white winter coat when you have a Jakey Poos


• A Pantechnicon is the correct word for a removal vehicle


• Gump should not be allowed in Asda (god love hime)


• Sherry trifle could affect my ability to drive (it'll be vying with my heels, eyesight, citalopram and lack of hazard awareness)


• A 'jiffy' is actually a unit of time, i.e. a tenth of a second


• Carry on Camping is a comedy classic