BRITISHARMY: Two words: continental quilts.

LITERARYGENIUS: Michael Flattley is at Waterstones Deansgate to sign his biography 'Lord of the Dance' (kudos for thought gone into the title). No doubt the queue of grannies will be stretching around the block, you have been warned.

MANCNOSH: Passed a delivery van on the way in for 'Mancunian Food Limited'. Didn't catch the phone number in order to enquire just what manc food it, but wondering if 'muffins' will feature heavily?

COUNTRYLIVING: Husband wants us to make more of the River Irwell, i.e.get some kayaks and commune with the river wild. Following altercationwith Canada geese wherein he tried to push me at goose and flee, I think that idea may be shelved. Does anyone actually know someone who has hadtheir arm broken by a swan? The only birds I fear are peacocks.

IRRATIONALHATRED: people who don't do 'big shops' and make the queues at Tesco Metro at lunchtime unreasonably long simply becausethey are (a) student or (b) ex students.

JOEYWATCH: The use of new technology such as text messaging in order to bully children is increasing, researchers have said. There has been a steady increase in children suffering from this form of "cyber-bullying", a Cardiff conference will hear on Friday - whatever happened to a bit ofv erbal and a damn good shoeing!? Kids today heh!?