Water level is rising

DUSTWATCH: There's a cleaning company in Cobham called SPRUCE SPRINGCLEAN

NORTHWATCH: television presenter Vernon Kay has been named one of Britain's best dressed celebrity dads second only to England skipper David Beckham. Vernon, who is married to Tess Daly and has a daughter, Phoebe, came second in a poll with 17.2 per cent of the votes, behind Beckham with 32.6 per cent in the tiewarehouse.co.uk survey. Does anyone really care?

KIRSTYWATCH: I thought she was joshing it; yet still she's mooching around balancing a straw between her top lip and nose.

YORKSHIREWATCH: Gents across Yorkshire have been urged to take the "tinkle test" to check their hydration levels. Yorkshire Water have developed "peeometers" to help members of the public gauge how well they are performing against the ideal. The organisation has urged men to use Men's Health Week to make a resolution to check their hydration levels on a regular basis. A spokesman said men in particular needed to be encouraged to drink water. And this is tax payers money!

If they really only have this and breadcakes to worry about no wonder they lost the war of the roses.