The Fallout starts

Vacuous bint who now appears to have found God has been droppped from her agency. Endeavor, which has represented The Simple Life "star" since 2005, made the decision on Friday when Hilton was sent back to prison. She's like a British Jade Goody innit, albeit considerably richer. Go on luv, through a bit of rascism in to boost your image - I dare yer.

Davestock 07

I'm grounded.

Public Service Announcement

I may have been a smigden in absentia in the past, but my partnerevilfairy is having "tinternet problems", hence why I'm carrying this sinking ship of late.

Just in case yer wondering...........although as me n her are the only ones who read this deluded drivel, I now realise I'm talking to myself.


oh dear

Rugby Players Act Gay Shocker!!

Taken from that highbrow channel ITV2 and Generation Xcess, these "hetero" males arent gay; good lord no, it's just "manly rugger bugger stuff" innit. Of course it is you bunch of homs.

Sandbach came top of their league, so what better way for a bunch of straight mates to celebrate then to get naked and play with others cocks, nips etc and have a bit of snog. Bless 'em. Their wives/girlfriends etc should twig on when Tarquin wants a scrum in the bedroom and calls her Ollie when he's giving her one up the wrong 'un.

GET OUT (of the closet)

BB Rascist? Surely not!

I bet Channel 4/Endemol are banging their collective noggins on the desk after self-styled Tory toff Emily (who let's not forget is a student/waitress) let this gaff go last night:-

"Are you pushing it out, you n**g*r"

to Charley Uchea, while they were dancing in the living room.

Cue hasty eviction of the rascist bitch who thinks she discovered "indie".

At least she has her friends to defend her. Check out her mate who has kindly posted on Facebook:-

"What the hell are you on about 'dirty racist',she was obviously blatently (sic) joking, it's not a big deal, it's only people like you and people who have got so strung up about little things
that the person did not mean in offence that have made this country so god damn politically disgustingly correct! URGHH political correctness will be the downfall of ENGLAND. Don't take everything so seriously, learn to take a joke and have a sense of humour or you'll all end uplike that idiot Charley".

Emily et al, is this you?




So eloquent and reasoned methinks. I'll be sure to tell the blacks, gays and jews to get a sense of humour next time Combat18/NF [insert right wing fascist group here] are giving them a right kickin'.

I fear for the future, I really do.

*shakes head and wanders off muttering*

Slow news day in Mancunia today

From the beeb's website:-

"A man sold his parrot after growing fed up with her foul mouth, only for her to return a few days later - in a bag of cheese and onion crisps.

Thomas Sleigh and his wife Michaela, of Stockport, Greater Manchester, decided to get rid of Molly when her swearing got too much for the family.

But within days of the naughty African Grey being sold her image turned up as Mr Sleigh tucked into a bag of crisps.

"It's almost like Molly has come back to haunt us," he said".

.......A crisp looks a bit mishapen shocker

In other news, Elvis dead

Bag of bones is woman of the year

I laughed when Sharon "2 kids in rehab, and one too embarrassed to be on TV with you" Osbourne won mum of the year, but the celeb world has certainly gone off its glitter encrusted rocker when Glamour Magazine appoints the human lollipop Woman of the Year.

Glamour Editor, Jo Elvin said of the award:-

"For the past 10 years, Victoria Beckham has been of figure of fascination. She has successfully reinvented herself from pop star to devoted wife and mother to successful designer and business mogul".

WHAT??! She married a footballer, traded off his name, had a couple of rugrats, and pouts - the end! I'm sure with her second-to-none skills she doesn't compare with poor Michelle from Wythy who raises an army of banshees on tuppence ha'penny, whilst her "devoted" hubby beats her daily for not having steak n' ale pie ont'able for 5pm sharp.

Business mogul?? BUSINESS MOGUL??! Business fucking MONG more like. She's hardly Sir Alan is she!!?

ARE YOU READING THIS JO ELVIN? ARE YOU??!

GET OUT!

Cowell goes insane?

"Singer" Dannii Minogue and choreographer Brian Friedman are to be judges on the next series of The X Factor? FFS. Leaving aside Brian (very unfortunate name for one so incredibly good looking), Dannii "I cant spell my name properly" Minogue, being a judge on the X-factor is like asking Peter Sutcliffe to be a rape counsellor. I think the pint sized, big breasted, fame hungry wannabe is just a tad under qualified.

BB8

Apologies in advance, but it had to be the subject of at least one post. Yep, the usual freaks and wannabes clutter our screens with shouts of "look at me".

Instantly hateable - the fucking single celled amoeba who thinks she's Skeletor. "People tell me I'm like Victoria Beckham all the time". What? A monosyllabic drag queen with a penchant for pouting and craving attention from the News of the Screws?

oh, maybe you are.

The fucking "raver" who collects bags seems to be a female (although I do use the term losely) version of Potty mouthed Pete from last year. It's just all too much.

Quote of the night though was from the "posh" bitch who thinks she's upper class and like sooooooooo right wing cos she votes Tory: "I've discovered a new type of music called "Indie"" - yeah, thanks luv. Very cutting edge. We've never heard of that particularly genre

FFS!

Not often I agree with the septics

Quote of the day....

'Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion'

Attributed to General 'Storming' Norman Schwarzkopf

I'm calling the Samaritans!

I feel like I cant go on today.........It's the end of an era, and life doesn't seem to have a purpose. Mr Havs will be consoling my quaking body tonight if I make it home and avoid the temptation to throw myself into the road {copyright Withnail and I).

Yes ladies, brace yer sens, cos Liberty Kiss have announced they are to split!!

The group posted on its official website: "We want to let the fans know that Liberty X won't be doing any more recording together. All of us have separate projects we're working on and are excited about". Yes, apparantly they all due to complete their McJob training course soon, so they can then progress onto their first gold star.

FFS!!

Cutest story EVAH!

A pair of same sex flamingos have become foster parents after adopting an abandoned chick in Gloucestershire.

Carlos and Fernando had tried to start their own family by stealing eggs from other flamingos at the Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust (WWT) in Slimbridge. But their sitting and hatching skills impressed staff so much, that when a nest was abandoned last week, they were chosen to "adopt" the chick.

mwwwwwwwahhhhhhh - little gay flamingos, with ickle gay names and EVERYTHING!

*phones Mr Havs, phones adoption agency, changes name to Juan Carlos Haversham*

.......*rethinks previous post*

The UK's first police remote control helicopter is being put into action in Self-pity City, so the rozzers can remotely spy on the the Crime Capital's "inmates". All a bit Orwellian today innit!?

The machine is 1m wide, weighs less than a bag of sugar, and can record images from a height of 500m, and is controlled by remote control or GPS. "Our drone will be used primarily to support our anti-social behaviour taskforce AXIS, in gathering all important evidence to put offenders before the courts...er like, calm down, calm down etc" said a Liverpudlian rozzer earlier

*pictures scouser robbing a phone so he can call the Daily Mirror to report UFO, no doubt followed by a tribute, wreathes and 2 minute silence*

The uprising has started

Commentators have often said that George Orwell predicted a vision of the future with his novel 1984, but I reckon, he was more accurate with Animal Farm (the book, not the porno with those with a penchant for bestiality).

A holiday-maker has suffered a serious chest injury and a broken knee and wrist when he was trampled on by a herd of cows. The man, from Surrey, was attacked in fields by Clehonger, near Hereford, while walking his dog on Saturday. The beeb has stated that "it is not clear what caused the incident". Hmmmmmmm, the cows are getting wise methinks!!

Run for the hills people!!!

I aint no queer!

A 12-year-old Chicago girl and her grandparents are taking legal action after she was shown Brokeback Mountain in school.

Jessica Turner claims her teacher, Ms Buford, announced in the middle of a lesson that "what happens in Ms Buford's class stays in Ms Buford's class" - before asking a pupil to close the door and settling down to watch Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal getting busy. I wish I knew how to quit you Jakey, oh yes I do!

Most schoolkids would probably concede that spending an afternoon watching an Oscar-winning film beats the average school day. Although not Jessica, who complained to her family that "they made me watch this bad movie". Apparently this has inflicted the sort of psychological trauma that only $500,000 can cure, and her family have launched an action against the Chicago Board of Education.

A Darwin contender surely?

A window cleaner drowned in his bucket of water after suddenly collapsing while he worked. This poor unfortunate was from Wigan mind.

The father-of-one, of Fowler Close, Scholes, was working at the home of Miss Bebe in Whelley, near Wigan.

She told an inquest: "I went outside to hang some washing at the back when I saw a ladder propped up against the wall.

"I then saw Mark lying on the ground motionless, with his arms tucked in and his head tilted to the right inside the bucket".


........I know you shouldn't, but I pissed myself laughing when I conjured up a mental image.

och aye tha poo

An angry estranged wife took revenge on her husband – by feeding him a curry containing dog excrement. Speaking in her defence, solicitor Terry Gallanagh said that the case was like 'an episode of Desperate Housewives' (obviously yet another lawyer off Miss Haversham's bus). 47-year-old Jill Martin pled guilty to the charge of culpable and reckless conduct at Paisley Sheriff Court. The court heard that after serving him the dish on March 13, and watching him as he started eating it, Martin burst out laughing.

If serving shite is now a crime there's a few kebab shops that should be worried

auf weidersen, wets

is it me of has the whole western world turned into a bunch of pansies? I blame The Gays (TM).

Firstly, I hear a that German troops deployed in Afghanistan are not allowed out of their Kabul camp after dark due to the level of violence in the region *insert sausage/lederhosen pun here*

and now Jesse Metcalfe is rushed into rehab after a 4 day bender - its called a bank holiday weekend mate, its up the nose or nothing at all........

its looming for all of us

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY

VOTE MANC

http://www.monopoly.co.uk/vote.aspx